Okay, if you are afraid of dark; if you are afraid of the living dead; if you are afraid of things that go “Bump” in the night, and if you are afraid of YOUR Mother “AaaaaaaaaaahhhHHHaaaah!” then brace yourself, AND proceed at YOUR OWN risk…
My mother can easily glare Dracula under the coffin with one eyeball tied behind [...]
It was junior year in high school. I should have known that something was up when my “friend” informed me that he had done me a great service by setting me up with a blind date.
Now in high school guys will stoop to absolutely anything in order to get a date with a girl, a [...]
Guy Genes are VERY different from Gal Genes. Guy Genes are responsible for making a guy eat bean curd (a.k.a. tofu) just to impress his hot date who is sitting across from him in a romantic dimly light cozy restaurant, when suddenly, out of nowhere she picks up a piece of tofu, and to his [...]
It amazes me how two creatures from the SAME species can be so DIFFERENT. For example, all men have the genetic requirement to click the TV clicker using a speed which can only be captured by slow-motion photograph. And in sharp contrast, women own breasts. Breasts are a topic of GREAT interest to men which [...]
Italians are a nutty bunch, and I aught to know, because I’m a Catholic cog in this dago demographic. And the leaders of this guinea group are the matriarch grandmothers. These people are VERY busy with food, and when they find out that 10 people are coming over for Christmas dinner, Italian grandmothers will cook [...]
Whenever I start a project (e.g., cutting the grass) I do NOT bother my wife. HOWEVER, whenever my wife starts a project (e.g., everything) I always feel like I am at a rodeo, because she lassos me, drags me into the mission, and I end up the donkey doing most of the duty.
Take for instance [...]
Do you want to know a surefire way to put an end to divorce? Okay, then, I will tell you: before a woman and a man get married, it should be congressionally mandated that they must first fill out a detailed checklist, which is designed to determine if they are compatible to begin with. If [...]
An interesting fact about toilets: toilets just don’t explode all by themselves. Toilets need lots of help to blow up. Toilets are funny that way. And the firing pin for toilet detonation usually comes in the form of a clog.
An interesting fact about clogs: clogs just don’t occur all by themselves. Clogs need lots of [...]
Summer would not be summer unless I managed to accidently light my house on fire with the help from my grill. There’s just something about the smell of melting vinyl siding which makes me want to stop, drop, roll, and speed-dial the pizza delivery guy. And 2008 would not be any different. Well, it was [...]
We’ve all had those nights when we can’t sleep, so we turn on the television at 1:46 AM only to come face-to-face with those infomercial scam artist trying to sell you and me everything from miracle mops that can do EVERYTHING from mopping up messes to preparing your taxes; wall hooks that are Hercules strong [...]
Join Bill each week as he makes you laugh, teaches you new recipes, and provides you with fitness tips and techniques. It is a great way to get yourself into shape. And, yes, it’s okay to eat an occasional hamburger and/or hotdog. Remember, comfort food is good for the soul. Abs in the Kitchen. Coming in 2010…stay tuned.
