Tongue-In-Cheek … Foot-In-Mouth

Here is an email from someone we should be honoring.  Pay attention folks.  WE still have time to turn away from socialims.  VOTE in the mid-term 2010 elections.  If we can will back the House and the Senate Obama-ism is on its way out…
From: Mike C
Date: 09/02/09 05:29:45
To: Drury1234@myfairpoint.net
Subject: Message From A Reader
 
Send your “platform [...]

When my kids where younger, like all younger kids, they were messy.  My son, Doug, would storm into the clean kitchen and like a hurried hurricane, grab this, that, and the other thing, continue along in his tornado trail, and leave in his path of distruction a Hansel and Gretel-like trail of cookie crumbs, fruit [...]

Have you ever found yourself in a traumatizing situation and your life flashed before your eyes?  This happened to me on Sunday when I inadvertently wandered into what is arguably the most dangerous ever, even more dangerous than Hillary Clinton’s (gulp, shiver, cry) underwear draw! 
AaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
ONLY KIDDING!  Not really.  But, seriously, it’s the perfume department at Macy’s.
“Gee [...]

Back in the day, vehicles were designed more user-friendly.  And because of this a monkey or even a humor columnist armed with a cleverly bent coat hanger could tinker around and fix anything, from removing and replacing the drivetrain, to changing the pine-scented Christmas tree air freshener.
NOTE: Removing and replacing the drivetrain is a relatively [...]

The piss, moan, and complaint of the day (I mean “of the morning,” the day is young):
It frosts my weenie when I go to get a “simple” cup of “simple” coffee from one of those “simple” coffee franchise places, like, for example, oh I don’t know, say, the one who’s name rhymes simply with “Ptarbucks.”  [...]

There are two very different ways of penalizing boys and penalizing girls.  I know this because my wife and I own one of each.  Both my son, Doug, and daughter, Sara, are intelligent, funny, sarcastic, and basically BIG pains in the butt.  Not sure where they get this behavior from.  But don’t ask my wife.  [...]

I don’t know about your dogs but our dogs spend huge gobs of time lying under the living room coffee table engrossed in noisy personal K-9 hygiene.  And when they are not busy with this, they are busy making huge Cecil B. Demille-like productions over going to the bathroom.
Take for example our Cocker Spaniel and [...]

There are some people out there who will NOT go to the doctors under any circumstances, to include if a mongoose is firmly attached to their jugular vein.  These are the kinds of people who, when cutting down a tree in the backyard, will slice off a good solid hunk of their body, say from [...]

I admit I can be a little cynical at times, and even believe it or not, a smidgen sarcastic.  BUT I’ve been thinking a lot lately about a certain vitally important topic—rats that make predictions.  But I’m a little fuzzy on this mousy matter, so perhaps you can help me out:
The scientific community has spent [...]

I don’t know what it is about the power of boobs, but a good sturdy pair of breasts can make an otherwise sane man do absolutely anything, even the laundry.  And I am certain that women came up with the idea for BOTH boobs and laundry.  I say this because even as far back as [...]