Tongue-In-Cheek … Foot-In-Mouth

Weekly humor columns from the mind of humorist Bill Drury

Archives for the ‘Food’ Category

YUMMY, LASAGNA IN YOUR TUMMY

By Billy • Sep 11th, 2009 • Category: Food

Okay, so I am about to stand-up my new copyrighted © culinary concept, titled, “Food, Fun, & Fitness,” which I eventually plan to pitch to The Food Network.   Check out the promo at the bottom right-hand side of this website where I am acting as the “Grill Guy” during my daughter’s 8th grade graduation, May [...]



LEARN THE LINGO OR LOSE OUT ON LUNCH

By Billy • May 11th, 2009 • Category: Food

There was a time I would enter a gym and dive right into my workout WITHOUT warming up.  I could bench press a bison without worry of pain, strain, or being maimed.  But nowdays I have to stretch out BEFORE I go to the bathroom, and if not, I risk being stranded on the toilet [...]



Something Smells Fishy To Me

By Billy • Apr 10th, 2009 • Category: Food

Before we leap into this week’s vitally important topic (i.e., finding myself sitting in a staff meeting stuck next to the office know-it-all dork who continually hikes his trousers up so high, last week he managed to get his neck firmly wedged in his left pant leg, and security had to call in a rather [...]



Cleanliness Is Next To Godliness, But It Doesn’t Keep Away Thieves

By Billy • Aug 15th, 2008 • Category: Food

You clean your house before you go on vacation, and you do this because you want to return to a clean home. I tidy up my house before I go on vacation too, but I do it for an entirely different reason: burglars, because one of my biggest fears—next to being chased by a [...]



Veterinarian Corner

By Billy • Jul 18th, 2008 • Category: Food

I have been thinking a lot lately about how animals scratch themselves.  And with that said, I welcome you to “Veterinarian Corner” where today I, who’s not an actual veterinarian in real life, but who plays a very convincing one in my newspaper column, will answer a nagging animal medical question: if a dog has [...]



MENU MADNESS

By Billy • Sep 7th, 2007 • Category: Food

I’m forever in the wrong place at the wrong time behind the wrong people.  Monday morning was not different.  It was around 6:00 o’clock.  And like many of us, I was in my usual hurry.  So being a “Fast Freddie” who forever moving furiously fast, I figured I’d stop off at McDonalds and pick up [...]



Famished On Fancy French Food

By Billy • Aug 3rd, 2007 • Category: Food

It’s hard to figure out exactly what “fancy food” is; given the term has different meanings to different people. A few folks would agree that eating sushi, for example, is eating ” fancy food,” while the vast majority of us, to include dull-witted rock formations, realize that eating sushi is eating RAW FISH, also [...]



Caveman Cooking

By Billy • Jun 29th, 2007 • Category: Food

My family bought me a traditional charcoal grill for Father’s Day.   My wife was a little apprehensive at first, what with me squirting jet fuel on flames.  But I quickly calmed her fears when I only accidentally lit the dog on fire, twice.  Luckily, I had plenty of wine on hand to douse the dog.  [...]



A Succulent Scent

By Billy • Mar 28th, 2007 • Category: Food

As an individual whose ½ genetic makeup arises out of the Mediterranean, specifically an archipelago which is shaped like a boot, it should come as no great surprise to you that I gravitate towards the garlicy goodness of garlic.
Side Note: For those of you who are NOT equipped with a GIANT brain like the one [...]