Tongue-In-Cheek … Foot-In-Mouth

I’ve decided that instead of posting this week’s humor column, rather, I’m dedicating this week’s column to Linda, Jeannine, Lorrinda, Annette, Drew, and Joe.  These four wonderful ladies and two great guys all recently emailed me regarding my “Bill Drury For President 17-point Platform.”  Judging from thier emails, it’s clear to me that they are [...]

If you didn’t already have a good reason to dislike radical Muslim terrorists here’s one: CARPOOLS!   Terrorists are directly responsible for skyrocketing gas prices, and they are doing it mainly to pester me, because I keep making fun of them in my columns.  Sadly, pricy prices at the pump are forcing people to share rides [...]

Hypothetically speaking, marriage is about two people becoming as one.  HA!  What a bunch of baloney, if I’ve ever heard baloney, this is baloney, and I know baloney, and believe me this is BALONEY!
Look, this “two becoming as one” silliness is all romantic and everything.  And it gives you a warm and fuzzy feeling in [...]

Back in the 60’s, when my generation was growing up, our parents loved and cared for us, BUT their parenting was characterized as “hands off.”  And as long as you were not being dragged away by an alligator, they pretty much left us to our own doings. They NEVER got into our faces, hovering over [...]

Other than the fact that I can’t figure out anything on my own, my brain is perfectly calibrated.  Case in point: my wife asked me to go to the grocery store. I respond by telling her that, “under no uncertain terms, will I depart this house WITHOUT first being handed a detailed list of items.  [...]

I’m terrific at stealing the covers.  I’m like amazing at it.  I could teach a college course in it.  I’d call it “Hogging The Covers, Stay Nice And Cozy, You Selfish SOB, While Your Spouse Turns Into A Human Popsicle 101.”
But frozen spouses aside; we are all familiar with the old proverb, which I just [...]

My columns are NOT for the faint of heart, as made evidenced by the fact that I have received several brash emails, written by alert readers, in crayon, with everything, including their names spelled wrong, telling me that judging by my columns, I like to hear myself talk.
Admittedly, I do like to hear myself talk, [...]

It just isn’t fair.  I kill myself to have a good lawn.  I fertilize; I mulch; I seed; I sow; I’m busy with the lime all the time.  You name it and I do it, double, in triplicate!  BUT my lawn still looks like it had been descended upon by a tribe of terrorist goats [...]

Well, ladies and gentlemen, it is time once again for another rendition of “Ask Mr. Marriage Councilor.”  But before we get started I’m sensing that you are asking yourself the following: “Just were does Drury get off giving out marriage information?  Who does he think he is?  And what qualifications does he have to be [...]

NEWS FLASH!  Humans do not breathe out of their feet.  So therefore, learning how to tie one’s shoelaces is NOWHERE near as potentially dangerous as learning how to tie one’s tie, because ties are tied around one’s neck, hence the term “necktie,” and a normal neck contains one’s esophagus, and thus, one overzealous tug on [...]