Tongue-In-Cheek … Foot-In-Mouth

The main problem associated with getting older is that the warranties on your body parts start to run out around age 50, like, for example, the warranty on your eyeballs.  And before you know it, in order to read the newspaper, you have to move the newspaper further and further away from your face until [...]

Summer would not be summer unless I managed to accidently light my house on fire with the help from my grill.  There’s just something about the smell of melting vinyl siding which makes me want to stop, drop, roll, and speed-dial the pizza delivery guy.  And 2008 would not be any different.  Well, it was [...]

OMG!  She’s intelligent; she’s funny; she’s cute; she’s conservative, AND she is now the Vice-Presidential PICK!  GO GOP!

We’ve all had those nights when we can’t sleep, so we turn on the television at 1:46 AM only to come face-to-face with those infomercial scam artist trying to sell you and me everything from miracle mops that can do EVERYTHING from mopping up messes to preparing your taxes; wall hooks that are Hercules strong [...]

I’m not crazy about people who are always busy telling other people what to do and what not to do. My mother is always telling me “I am too skinny, and I need to eat something.” And even though every time I go to my parent’s house and I eat enough spaghetti and [...]

You clean your house before you go on vacation, and you do this because you want to return to a clean home. I tidy up my house before I go on vacation too, but I do it for an entirely different reason: burglars, because one of my biggest fears—next to being chased by a [...]

I’d like to take a moment here to discuss the best way to balance your household finances, and then number one most vitally important way to achieve a fiscal equilibrium is to NEVER let your husband within 700 nautical miles of ANY household finances, because your husband’s skull, like every man’s skull, is full of [...]

My wife and I have very different tastes when it comes to music. She likes music which when the singer sings you can actually understand the lyrics, and you can merrily sing along, word-for-word. I like music whereby when the singer allegedly sings, judging from the loud incoherent screaming, you’d swear the [...]

WARNING:  Women are born to have babies.  Men are born to remain babies.  The problem is that females of the species comes factory equipped with the hormone “estrogen,” which has the same basic molecular structure as battery acid, only slightly more corrosive.  Around the age of 26 to 27, estrogen kicks in, and activates the [...]

I have been thinking a lot lately about how animals scratch themselves.  And with that said, I welcome you to “Veterinarian Corner” where today I, who’s not an actual veterinarian in real life, but who plays a very convincing one in my newspaper column, will answer a nagging animal medical question: if a dog has [...]