Guy Genes are VERY different from Gal Genes. Guy Genes are responsible for making a guy eat bean curd (a.k.a. tofu) just to impress his hot date who is sitting across from him in a romantic dimly light cozy restaurant, when suddenly, out of nowhere she picks up a piece of tofu, and to his [...]
It amazes me how two creatures from the SAME species can be so DIFFERENT. For example, all men have the genetic requirement to click the TV clicker using a speed which can only be captured by slow-motion photograph. And in sharp contrast, women own breasts. Breasts are a topic of GREAT interest to men which [...]
Italians are a nutty bunch, and I aught to know, because I’m a Catholic cog in this dago demographic. And the leaders of this guinea group are the matriarch grandmothers. These people are VERY busy with food, and when they find out that 10 people are coming over for Christmas dinner, Italian grandmothers will cook [...]
Whenever I start a project (e.g., cutting the grass) I do NOT bother my wife. HOWEVER, whenever my wife starts a project (e.g., everything) I always feel like I am at a rodeo, because she lassos me, drags me into the mission, and I end up the donkey doing most of the duty.
Take for instance [...]
Do you want to know a surefire way to put an end to divorce? Okay, then, I will tell you: before a woman and a man get married, it should be congressionally mandated that they must first fill out a detailed checklist, which is designed to determine if they are compatible to begin with. If [...]
Sciatica, for the luckily uninfected, is a tender stabbing pain which originates in the middle of your left butt cheek and travels down all the way to China. For those of you who are fortunate enough to have NEVER experienced searing sciatica soreness, I can best characterize it here by telling you to go get [...]
1. Yes nurse, or should I say “Miss Obvious?” I realize I just accidently chopped off his head. Don’t just stand there, go get the duct tape.
2. Removing an appendix is so easy even a janitor can do it. You wanna bet? Okay, hey, you, yes you, the janitor. Come over here. What’s your name? [...]
An interesting fact about toilets: toilets just don’t explode all by themselves. Toilets need lots of help to blow up. Toilets are funny that way. And the firing pin for toilet detonation usually comes in the form of a clog.
An interesting fact about clogs: clogs just don’t occur all by themselves. Clogs need lots of [...]
The main problem associated with getting older is that the warranties on your body parts start to run out around age 50, like, for example, the warranty on your eyeballs. And before you know it, in order to read the newspaper, you have to move the newspaper further and further away from your face until [...]
Summer would not be summer unless I managed to accidently light my house on fire with the help from my grill. There’s just something about the smell of melting vinyl siding which makes me want to stop, drop, roll, and speed-dial the pizza delivery guy. And 2008 would not be any different. Well, it was [...]
Join Bill each week as he makes you laugh, teaches you new recipes, and provides you with fitness tips and techniques. It is a great way to get yourself into shape. And, yes, it’s okay to eat an occasional hamburger and/or hotdog. Remember, comfort food is good for the soul. Abs in the Kitchen. Coming in 2010…stay tuned.
