Before we leap into this week’s vitally important topic (i.e., finding myself sitting in a staff meeting stuck next to the office know-it-all dork who continually hikes his trousers up so high, last week he managed to get his neck firmly wedged in his left pant leg, and security had to call in a rather [...]
Back in the day, vehicles were designed more user-friendly. And because of this a monkey or even a humor columnist armed with a cleverly bent coat hanger could tinker around and fix anything, from removing and replacing the drivetrain, to changing the pine-scented Christmas tree air freshener.
NOTE: Removing and replacing the drivetrain is a relatively [...]
The piss, moan, and complaint of the day (I mean “of the morning,” the day is young):
It frosts my weenie when I go to get a “simple” cup of “simple” coffee from one of those “simple” coffee franchise places, like, for example, oh I don’t know, say, the one who’s name rhymes simply with “Ptarbucks.” [...]
There are two very different ways of penalizing boys and penalizing girls. I know this because my wife and I own one of each. Both my son, Doug, and daughter, Sara, are intelligent, funny, sarcastic, and basically BIG pains in the butt. Not sure where they get this behavior from. But don’t ask my wife. [...]
I don’t know about your dogs but our dogs spend huge gobs of time lying under the living room coffee table engrossed in noisy personal K-9 hygiene. And when they are not busy with this, they are busy making huge Cecil B. Demille-like productions over going to the bathroom.
Take for example our Cocker Spaniel and [...]
There are some people out there who will NOT go to the doctors under any circumstances, to include if a mongoose is firmly attached to their jugular vein. These are the kinds of people who, when cutting down a tree in the backyard, will slice off a good solid hunk of their body, say from [...]
I admit I can be a little cynical at times, and even believe it or not, a smidgen sarcastic. BUT I’ve been thinking a lot lately about a certain vitally important topic—rats that make predictions. But I’m a little fuzzy on this mousy matter, so perhaps you can help me out:
The scientific community has spent [...]
Back when I was a kid I could have cut one of my legs off above the knee on a rusty slide and within thirty seconds my body would have completely healed itself. And in no time at all I’d be back running and jumping as if nothing had ever happened.
But now in the middle [...]
The world is full of crazy people; some think they are reincarnated famous people like Napoleon, George Washington, Jesus Christ, or Barney Fife. While others are convinced they are communicating with alien life forms. And get this; there are actually people walking around out there, unsupervised, who think they’re able to talk with the, ready [...]
I don’t know what it is about the power of boobs, but a good sturdy pair of breasts can make an otherwise sane man do absolutely anything, even the laundry. And I am certain that women came up with the idea for BOTH boobs and laundry. I say this because even as far back as [...]
Join Bill each week as he makes you laugh, teaches you new recipes, and provides you with fitness tips and techniques. It is a great way to get yourself into shape. And, yes, it’s okay to eat an occasional hamburger and/or hotdog. Remember, comfort food is good for the soul. Abs in the Kitchen... coming soon! © 2009
