Before we get into this week’s column, I would like to make a shout-out to my best buddy Beatrice Dorkowitz. Okay, “Beatrice Dorkowitz” is obviously not her real name; her real name is “Betty Dorkowitz.” Ha!
I don’t know what it is about the power of boobs, but a good sturdy pair of breasts can make [...]
Okay, if you are afraid of dark; if you are afraid of the living dead; if you are afraid of things that go “Bump” in the night, and if you are afraid of YOUR Mother “AaaaaaaaaaahhhHHHaaaah!” then brace yourself, AND proceed at YOUR OWN risk…
My mother can easily glare Dracula under the coffin with one eyeball tied behind [...]
It was junior year in high school. I should have known that something was up when my “friend” informed me that he had done me a great service by setting me up with a blind date.
Now in high school guys will stoop to absolutely anything in order to get a date with a girl, a [...]
Guy Genes are VERY different from Gal Genes. Guy Genes are responsible for making a guy eat bean curd (a.k.a. tofu) just to impress his hot date who is sitting across from him in a romantic dimly light cozy restaurant, when suddenly, out of nowhere she picks up a piece of tofu, and to his [...]
It amazes me how two creatures from the SAME species can be so DIFFERENT. For example, all men have the genetic requirement to click the TV clicker using a speed which can only be captured by slow-motion photograph. And in sharp contrast, women own breasts. Breasts are a topic of GREAT interest to men which [...]
Italians are a nutty bunch, and I aught to know, because I’m a Catholic cog in this dago demographic. And the leaders of this guinea group are the matriarch grandmothers. These people are VERY busy with food, and when they find out that 10 people are coming over for Christmas dinner, Italian grandmothers will cook [...]
Whenever I start a project (e.g., cutting the grass) I do NOT bother my wife. HOWEVER, whenever my wife starts a project (e.g., everything) I always feel like I am at a rodeo, because she lassos me, drags me into the mission, and I end up the donkey doing most of the duty.
Take for instance [...]
Do you want to know a surefire way to put an end to divorce? Okay, then, I will tell you: before a woman and a man get married, it should be congressionally mandated that they must first fill out a detailed checklist, which is designed to determine if they are compatible to begin with. If [...]
Sciatica, for the luckily uninfected, is a tender stabbing pain which originates in the middle of your left butt cheek and travels down all the way to China. For those of you who are fortunate enough to have NEVER experienced searing sciatica soreness, I can best characterize it here by telling you to go get [...]
1. Yes nurse, or should I say “Miss Obvious?” I realize I just accidently chopped off his head. Don’t just stand there, go get the duct tape.
2. Removing an appendix is so easy even a janitor can do it. You wanna bet? Okay, hey, you, yes you, the janitor. Come over here. What’s your name? [...]
