Tongue-In-Cheek … Foot-In-Mouth

Never be ashamed when you try; ONLY be ashamed when you surrender

So, there we were: my six-year-old daughter and me standing in the middle of our driveway with a deadly blood-sucking vampire bat, equipped with a fifty-foot wingspan, hovering, flapping, swooping, and dive-bombing overhead.  Sara, my daughter, stood in front of me with her head stuck so firmly pressed against my chest you would have thought my [...]

Look, Lord knows I am no brain surgeon.  But I do have common Glenn Beck sense.  So, here is how I view socialism.  And I do this by way of an example:
A nightclub with waiters and waitresses
Okays, so, we have 10 waiters and 10 waitresses.  At the end of each shift, all tips will be put [...]

Obama says: “He would rather be a great one-term president than a two-term mediocre president.”
Okay, so stay with me on this.  If he were a mediocre one-term president, in order for him to be a mediocre two-term president he would have to be elected twice.  Now, if he is elected twice as being a mediocre [...]

Okay, so I am about to stand-up my new copyrighted © culinary concept, titled, “Food, Fun, & Fitness,” which I eventually plan to pitch to The Food Network.   Check out the promo at the bottom right-hand side of this website where I am acting as the “Grill Guy” during my daughter’s 8th grade graduation, May [...]

There are a lot of moms and dads around the country who DO NOT want their children subjected to Obama’s socialist ideologies, which is to be presented to them, our youth, DURING SCHOOL, on Tuesday, September 8th.
I TOTALLY DISAGREE WITH THESE MOMS AND DADS!  LET THEM SEE AND LISTEN TO IT!
No, relax, I have not been fooling [...]

Here is an email from someone we should be honoring.  Pay attention folks.  WE still have time to turn away from socialims.  VOTE in the mid-term 2010 elections.  If we can will back the House and the Senate Obama-ism is on its way out…
From: Mike C
Date: 09/02/09 05:29:45
To: Drury1234@myfairpoint.net
Subject: Message From A Reader
 
Send your “platform [...]

When my kids where younger, like all younger kids, they were messy.  My son, Doug, would storm into the clean kitchen and like a hurried hurricane, grab this, that, and the other thing, continue along in his tornado trail, and leave in his path of distruction a Hansel and Gretel-like trail of cookie crumbs, fruit [...]

Have you ever found yourself in a traumatizing situation and your life flashed before your eyes?  This happened to me on Sunday when I inadvertently wandered into what is arguably the most dangerous ever, even more dangerous than Hillary Clinton’s (gulp, shiver, cry) underwear draw! 
AaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
ONLY KIDDING!  Not really.  But, seriously, it’s the perfume department at Macy’s.
“Gee [...]

There was a time I would enter a gym and dive right into my workout WITHOUT warming up.  I could bench press a bison without worry of pain, strain, or being maimed.  But nowdays I have to stretch out BEFORE I go to the bathroom, and if not, I risk being stranded on the toilet [...]